Food Slam 2010: Concert venue auction items for the win, Alex.

Unicorns. Flying shoes. Money trees. All things that are universally understood as “too good to be true.” They’re also universally understood as “things that never existed in the first place, and probably never WILL exist.” Most too-good-to-be-true things are.

Most things.

This year’s Food Slam silent auction features three items that seem way too good to be true. But they’re real. As real as rainbows and peat moss and Starsky & Hutch remakes. And they’re from three of Milwaukee’s most well-known concert venues. Prepare to have your precious minds blown, Milwaukee:

1. 365 DAYS OF PLANET ROCK
Riverwest’s funky classic, Mad Planet, has always been generous when it comes to Food Slam’s silent auction. But this year, they out-generoused themselves. Instead of donating one (1) year-long pass to attend any and every event Mad Planet throws, they’ve donated two (2). That means you and a friend/lover/police escort could potentially go to every single show there, together! We’re talking local bands, nationally touring acts, and even The Get Down!

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2. $100 x 4 = THANK THE RAVE
We don’t have a Math degree, but we’re pretty sure that four (4) $100 gift cards is pretty awesome. And according to our abacus, $100 x 4 = $400! That means, thanks to The Rave, you have a chance to buy $400 worth of concert tickets to the seemingly endless stream of shows happening at this legendary Milwaukee venue, without spending a single dime. Why do I get the feeling that this item’s going to have a serious bidding war around it?

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3. THE BEST DINNER PARTY YOU’LL EVER HAVE. EVER. I MEAN IT.
It’s not enough that the Pabst Theater Foundation raised the bar for concert-going experiences in Milwaukee on Earth. Now they want to redefine dinner parties for you. Want the details? Well, I’m just going to go ahead and paste the copy they sent us describing their donated Food Slam auction item, because I’m getting a little light-headed from the awesomeness:

DINNER BACKSTAGE @ THE RIVERSIDE… WHERE THE BANDS DINE!

Here’s a unique venue for a dinner party. Chef to the Stars Kevin Sloan will cater a dinner for four guests BACKSTAGE  in the Dining Room at the Riverside Theater. It usually requires a back- stage pass to experience this chef’s cuisine. The former restaurant owner who also worked at Sanford and Lake Park Bistro has created four-star meals for dozens of entertainers from The National to Neil Young. Mix and mingle with staff from WMSE and the Pabst Theater for an evening to remember.

You will win dinner for four people (4), and will be joined by staff from WMSE and the Pabst.

Sweet Mother Hubbard! You best believe if money trees weren’t too good to be true, I’d pick enough fiscal fruit to win all three of these items. Of course, I’d probably have to quit my day job so I could actually attend all the concerts I could get into for free. Then again, I’d also hypothetically have a money tree at this point, so let’s just say “job, schmob” and be done with it.